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Category Archives: Seafood

SousVide Surf and Turf Benedict

28 Jan

In case you haven’t heard, the SousVide  and TX Bar Organics paleo blogger challenge is in full effect.  Please take a minute and vote(for me of course).  Anyone who votes is automatically entered to win one of the $200 gift cards.  Here is the badass breakfast recipe I created for the challenge…

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Ingredients:

  • 1.5lbs of cooked snow crab legs or approx one cup of crab meat
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon of Old Bay seasoning
  • 3 cloves of garlic minced
  • 1 finely chopped jalapeno
  • 1/4 teaspoon of onion powder
  • 12 tablespoons of minced red onion
  • 1-2 tablespoons of coconut flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon of duck fat + extra for frying
  • 2 TX Bar Organics grass-fed filet mingons
  • salt and pepper

Ok, I am going to commit a meat sin here for the sake of competition, I am going to take the worlds most perfect cut of beef and slice it open and mutilate it prior to cooking…please don’t be afraid, I am a professional.

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Start by gutting your crab legs and mixing the meat with one egg, garlic, jalapeno, onion, and the spices. Add in one TB of coconut flour and check the consistency, you may want to add a bit more (slowly), so that it holds together.

Next, take that beautiful TX Bar steak and cut it lengthwise almost all the way through, to form a pocket for all your tasty crab stuffing. Salt and pepper both the insides and outsides of the steaks, if you don’t salt your food you don’t love the people you are cooking for! Top each steak with 1/4 teaspoon of duck fat and seal them into a SousVide pouch. Before you go to bed, throw the steaks into a SousVide water oven, at 54 degrees Celsius(just over 129F).

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In the morning, your delicious breakfast will be ready and waiting. Heat up a cast iron skillet and sear the steaks on each side in a bit of fat to get a nice brown crust. Now, I know that benedict style breakfasts are usually served with a poached egg, but I haven’t poached a d*mn thing since I went paleo…why bother when fried eggs are so much better(and easier). Place one egg, fried in duck fat, on top of each steak and smother with coconut hollandaise.

Creamy Coconut Hollandaise ingredients:

  • 1/3 cup coconut cream
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 tablespoon coconut oil
  • a squeeze of fresh lemon juice
  • 2 tablespoons chopped chives
  • 1/4-1/2 teaspoon Old Bay
  • salt and pepper to taste

Put the egg, lemon juice, and coconut cream into a bain marie(glass bowl over a pot of boiling water), and whisk like your life depends on it. Seriously, just keep whisking until you think your arm is going to fall off. Slowly steam in melted coconut oil and continue to whisk until the mixture is emulsified. Mix in your chives and spices to taste, this sauce will thicken up as the eggs cook. Garnish your meal with some chopped chives and fresh grated horseradish(optional) This is the only breakfast delicious enough to stand on it’s own without the addition of bacon, that is no small feat, but feel free to serve with bacon if you’re feeling frisky(your tastebuds will thank you).

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6 Comments

Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Beef, Breakfast, Seafood

 

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Frog Leg and Filet Faileo

22 Jan

I love it when a recipe comes together…this however is not one of those times.  I grabbed some frog legs at the store and figured I could do what I always do, experiment in the kitchen and be lucky enough to have it turn out perfect.  What I should have done is look for a recipe ahead of time before I decided to throw those b*tches on the BBQ

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Here is what I started with,

  • 4 pairs of frog legs
  • Juice from one lemon
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 1 t coriander and onion powder
  • 2 cloves of garlic
  • 2 TB white vinegar
  • 3 beef tenderloin steaks
  • salt and pepper

I mixed all of the ingredients except the meat together in a bag and threw in the frog legs, they marinated in there for about 3ish hours.  I then cooked the delicate meat on the grill for 60-90 seconds per side.  These are prone to getting tough and drying out so don’t leave them on too long.

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Whoever said these things taste like chicken is on drugs…they are not like any chicken I have ever tasted, and I have put some questionable food-like substances in my mouth in the past! If I were to cook frog legs on the grill again, I will marinate for at least 48 hours and glaze them with a vibrant sauce.  They just don’t have any flavor on their own and they really need some things that are not whole30 approved to make them edible(like sugar)! I know why most people batter and deep-fry these little guys.

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Now, here is a little tip for cooking beef tenderloin steaks.  When You pull them out of the package they just do not look pretty and perfectly round like what you get in a restaurant, so tie around the edges with some butcher twine and it will help mold your steak, like beautiful beefy play-doh.  The only thing you need to season these with is salt and coarse ground pepper, anything more would be a crime.  Cook them on the grill for 5-7 minutes a side, and don’t forget to let them rest before serving.

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So there you have it, the worlds best steak and the worlds worst amphibian.  Seriously, those frog legs were friggin gross! I would eat them in a survivalist situation if left with no other options, but I am pretty sure I would eat my cat before trying to catch those slippery little f*ckers….sorry Lyra

Noooooooo

Noooooooo

 
7 Comments

Posted by on January 22, 2013 in Beef, Random, Seafood

 

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Asian Stir-Fry with Seared Ahi

15 Jan

I hope a tanker of human waste explodes in front the home of the CEO of Monsanto. They have actually started an ad campaign just to let the public know that they care about us. They aren’t selling anything like most commercials you see on TV, they are just reassuring public how much they have done for farming and how much they care about our health and the health of the planet. Commercials like this one that make me so angry at the television I end up looking crazier than Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey put together, babbling away and ranting at an inanimate object.

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I seriously can’t handle the stress of having all of this knowledge, ignorance truly is bliss.  Someone get me some chocolate before I have a stroke.

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On to the Asian grill invasion:

  • Sashimi Grade Ahi Tuna- we used 6 filets
  • 5 cups broccoli florets
  • 1 onion
  • 1 bell pepper
  • 2 bunches of radishes
  • 5 cloves of garlic
  • powdered ginger and garlic
  • sesame oil
  • Wasabi flavored SeaSnax, finely chopped(optional)

Let your ahi come to room temperature for at least an hour before cooking.  You do not want perfectly seared ahi on the outside that is frozen in the middle.  Brush your ahi with sesame oil to keep it from sticking to the grates and sprinkle on both sides with garlic, ginger, salt and pepper and set aside.  If you are awesome, you will bust out your Weber Wok to make the stir fry.  Isn’t that thing f*cking wicked?! It is part of the cast iron Gourmet BBQ System.  If you don’t have one of these you can cry in the corner for a while and then get out any grill-friendly pan you have.

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Have you ever had radishes in a stir fry? It is seriously incredible!  Chop all of your veggies and throw them in the wok with a couple tablespoons of water; just a precautionary measure to keep things from drying out.  Ok, now that we are all prepped let’s start-up our coals.  While your fire gets hotter than an illicit celebrity sex tape, you can go prep your sauce.

Whisk together:

  • 1 TB white vinegar
  • 4 TB sesame oil
  • 4 TB coconut aminos
  • 2 TB of powdered garlic
  • 2 TB powdered ginger
  • 1 TB Korean Red Pepper -this is a mild sun-dried red pepper flake, if you are going to sub for  regular crushed red pepper reduce the amount.

Cook your tuna for 90 seconds on each side for rare, and absolutely no longer than two minutes.  These babies cook quick so you have to babysit them.  When all your tuna is cooked, carefully swap out the sear grate for the wok, or just put your grill friendly pan on.  Brush your cooked ahi with a bit of the sauce and set aside while the veggies cook for about 10 minutes on a covered grill.

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Pour your sauce over the veggies and put the cover it back up for another 5-10 minutes, or until everything looks cooked through.  Serve the stir-fry with sliced ahi and a sprinkle of wasabi SeaSnax on the top.

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All of my pictures are terrible, I had one hell of a time trying to get a good picture of this dish for reasons I am not going to get into, because then I will start ranting again…so you are stuck with this…but trust me, it friggin wowtastic.

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“We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.”
-Alfred E. Newman

 

This post is also featured over at The Polivka Family, Real Food Forager, and Growing Home go check it out.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on January 15, 2013 in Seafood

 

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Chipotle-Cajun Jambalaya

07 Jan

How is everyone doing on their New Year Resolutions so far? I honestly can’t wait until the flood of people give up on their “work out every day” resolution and I have some space at the gym again, jeesh.  I wanted to give up coconut butter for new years, but I knew that would last about an hour so I made a few more reasonable goals.

  • Deadlift double bodyweight
  • Squat 200lbs
  • give up coffee
  • do a whole30/sugar detox hybrid
  • read more books

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I know what you are thinking, I must be f*cking insane giving up coffee,convenience foods, and all fruit and sweet potatoes at the same time, but I don’t like to do anything half-assed.  I am already into my 2nd book this month, real ones too, not the kind with lots of pretty pictures, and I obviously have to slowly work up to my strength based goals, although I am getting really close.  Working out in January sucks though, I wish all these people decided to buy a treadmill instead of a gym membership…at least then they could use it as a coat rack when they quit.

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Ingredients:

  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • 1(or 2…I will explain later) cans of tomatoes
  • 12oz of bone broth, or whatever broth or stock you have on hand
  • 2 bell peppers
  • 1 onion
  • 3 dried chipotles
  • A package of chicken breast tenders, or two chicken breasts sliced up
  • 2 cups of shrimp
  • Pork sausage
  • I also snuck in a handful of kale or two

Ok, so the cajun mirepoix(base veggies for soups) is always bell peppers, celery, and onion; however it was like the apocalypse or something when I went to get celery from Trader Joes because the produce section was bare.  An employee informed me that they did not get a produce truck that day so I was sh*t out of luck.  There goes my cauliflower rice and celery….if you have these things, then by all means please add them to the recipe, but I was not hauling my ass all over Virginia looking for organic celery.

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Lightly grill your chicken tenders, they cook fast so someone should be baby sitting them, that is actually why I used them, because they don’t require a lot of cooking.  They don’t need to be perfectly done, they will finish up in your stew so just a few minutes on each side.  Set aside the shrimp and sausage, then chop everything else up and throw it in your dutch oven, I cut up my chipotles with kitchen shears because it will save you a sh*t ton of time.  D insisted that there was not enough liquid in the pan and that it would not cook right, not wanting to argue about the veggies releasing liquid as they cook I let him throw a second can in, this just made it more like a stew…if you like things on the soupier side add two cans…or don’t…I don’t really care.

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We used hickory wood in the 22.5 inch Webbie and cooked this for about 30 minutes uncovered while the sausage got nice and smokey off to the side.  We then added in about 4TB of cajun-style seasoning:

  • 2 1/2 tablespoons paprika
  • 2 tablespoons Dizzy Pig Swamp Venom (or for Whole30/Sugar Detox sub with salt and add cayenne pepper to taste)
  • 2 tablespoons garlic powder
  • 1 tablespoon black  pepper
  • 1 tablespoon onion powder
  • 1 tablespoon dried oregano
  • 1 tablespoon dried thyme

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Your sausage will be done when the internal temp reaches about 160, slice it up and try not to eat it all while the rest of your food finishes cooking.  After 30 minutes on a grill toss your shrimp into the jambalaya and put the cover on the dutch oven.  Let everything cook for another 20-30 minutes or until everything looks cooked through.  Adjust the seasoning to your taste, we added in a couple extra tablespoons, and serve.

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The hubbs informed me that avocado is not very cajun…you should eat it anyways though because it is delicious.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Chicken, Pork, Seafood, Soups

 

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I Love The Fishes Cuz They’re So Delicious…

26 Dec

Ok, holidays are over finally, I went to town on some paleo desserts.  I feel like I should share what I made for those people who pressured me to “indulge a little” in some straight up garbage food that wasnt worth the tummy ache.  My December of sin included:

Ok, so maybe I did not eat all of that by myself, since a very large portion of my paleoish goodies were given away as gifts, but they really helped me make it through the holidays without snapping when subjected to the dumbest comments on the planet.  Are you ready for another list? Here is some of the stupid sh*t I get to listen to at parties:

  • I don’t eat red meat because it is harder to digest than poultry
  • I burned off 750 calories on the elliptical today so I can eat what I want
  • Here is some cookies/cake/bread/whatever….I know you are paleo but it is the holidays so you should have some

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I actually was able to keep my mouth shut in light of all these comments, I did not start berating a single person for their stupidity, it is a freaking Christmas miracle!  Anyway, I figured it would be a good day for a nice light recipe for a change of pace.

Ingredients:

  • 2 filets of mackerel with the skin on
  • an orange
  • salad stuff: I used lettuce, onion, hungarian pepper, and a hard-boiled egg

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Soak your wood chips before you start, as always, I used alder wood this time. Then, salt and pepper your fish and set aside while you fire up the grill.  We used out 22.5 inch Webbie here, since there is no need to fire up the smoker for something this small.

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Bust out one of your finest disposable foil pans and use it to create a water pan on the opposite side of the grill from your coals.  I only used about 1/2-2/3 of a chimney of coals here, because when you are smoking fish you want to keep the temperature extremely low under the cooking surface so you are actually smoking and not just grilling.  Got it?  Ok, throw the fish on and let it smoke for approximately an hour while you go inside and prep the rest of your food.

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Cut your orange in half and slice off the peel all the way around, then slice into segments.  The fruit in this recipe really helps to cut through the intense fishy-ness of the mackerel.  Prep the rest of your salad to your liking and set aside while the fish finishes up.

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With a little experience you can tell when your fish is done by just eyeballing it.  If it looks like this then you are doing pretty well.  It will be easy to flake apart with a fork and turn golden brown.  If you are seeing lots of little white fat droplets on the top of your fish the heat is way too high and you are cooking not smoking….cooking bad smoking good.

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Break apart your fish, pile it on top of the salad, and serve with a drizzle with olive oil (I used lemon infused).  This recipe is big enough for two but I tend to always eat the whole thing myself because I need a big hit of omega 3s to combat the stress-related effects of a life spent silently suffering through stupid conversations.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on December 26, 2012 in Salad, Seafood, Uncategorized

 

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Dirty South Clam Chowder

28 Nov

I have some serious anger issues this week, every time I sit down to write it just turns into some pissed off rant about how I am sick of hearing about the health problems of people who do nothing to be healthy.  Yep, that’s right, everyone from back home has serious health problems and when they wash down fast food dinner with a few vodka-redbulls I lose all sympathy.  See, there I go again.  I think I need to just stop talking to people, people make my angry.  I wish I could say that my dogs make me happy today…but it has been non-stop Wrestlemania in my house lately as well.  The champion, weighing in at 100lbs, Captain Kirk; The contender, 30lbs of fury, Sonya Blaze.  Fight!

You know what makes me feel better after a long day of being pissed off at the world? Well…chocolate mostly, but a nice hearty bowl of soup helps too.  New England and Manhattan have their clam chowders…now we have ours.  A spicy, smokey chowder that is full of fall veggies and friggin awesomeness.

You will need:

  • A can of coconut milk
  • 2 cups bone broth
  • One tablespoon hickory liquid smoke
  • 1lb of shrimp
  • about 2 dozen clams
  • ¼ cup of butter or coconut oil
  • One bunch kale
  • 3 medium sweet potatoes
  • ¼ cup BBQ rub
  • 3 cloves garlic
  • And a big ass mirepoix( celery, carrots, and onion)

Please don’t ask me to measure that stuff, it was about one bunch celery, 5 carrots, and an onion….it doesn’t have to be perfect…just wing it and chop everything up real well.  I am a “kitchen sink” cook, so I throw in everything I have (except the kitchen sink).  Have turnips lying around, some fresh scallops,chard instead of kale? Great use those.

Ok, no dual-zone fire today, just fire up the whole grill and get it nice and hot.  We are grilling with our dutch oven, so I wrapped the bottom in tin foil to help prevent those lovely soot stains.  Throw all of your veggies in with your fat and let them sauté over direct heat in any covered grill friendly pan (or on the stove if you want to cut corners…I won’t judge). Add a little bit of your broth for moisture as needed.

Throw your clams on the other side of the grill in a small pan with a little water and heat them until they just pop open.  They don’t need to be cooked through 100% because they will finish in the soup.  If you have never cooked clams before, remember to throw out the ones that are open before you cook them and ones that do not open from cooking, it means they might have died.  If you don’t do this you will make me very angry…and you wouldn’t like me when I am angry…

Hulk Smash!

Ok…just kidding.  Anyways, once your clams are done, add your liquids into the pot along with your BBQ rub.  I used a blend of Dizzy Pig Swamp Venom  (very spicy) and Old Bay.  Cover your pot and let everything simmer while you go inside and prep your meat.

Get the clams out of their shells, and get the skin and tails off of your shrimp.  This sounds easy, but it takes time to peel shrimp…this will give your soup time to simmer.  This helps break down some of the starch in the sweet taters and it thickens your soup without having to add any mystery thickening powders.  Add your seafood back into the pot and let it simmer for another 20 minutes or until all the veggies appear cooked and the shrimp turn opaque.  Adjust your seasoning to taste before serving and enjoy!

Holy crap that was delicious.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on November 28, 2012 in Seafood, Soups

 

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Fajita On A Stick

18 Sep

I am in the middle of a bedroom remodel this week, but I will try to blog as much as I can.  I am turning my ugly mustard yellow bedroom with our old brown blankets from our last house into a wonderful little love nest.  The hubby is out-of-town so this whole thing will be a complete surprise for him, unless of course he somehow procures access to a computer in his travels.  Unlikely that he would use it for anything other than Facebook, and perhaps a dirty movie or two.  He is away from his wife or a few weeks…give the guy a break!

This recipe was a stroke of genius, especially since I was looking for something quick and easy to do at the start of my remodel.

Ingredients:

  • One medium-sized london broil steak
  • one pound shrimp
  • 3 bell peppers
  • lettuce leaves
  • an onion
  • cumin
  • garlic powder
  • salt and pepper
  • chili powder

Start by soaking some skewers in some salted water.  If you have reusable metal skewers skip this step (duh!).  I find that the salt penetrates the wood and flavors your meat from the inside.

London Broil tends to be a tougher cut of steak: Something I would not typically eat on its own, but wonderful for fajitas.  I started off by chopping the steak into kebab sized pieces and putting approx 1/4 cup of  oil and cider vinegar with the juice from half a lemon over the top.  This will help to tenderize the tough cut of meat, in fact if you ant a totally kick-ass london broil marinate it for 24 hours.  You can use any acidic marinade you choose, or skip this step and go right on to adding your spices.  After the meat was chopped I lightly sprinkled the meat with all of the seasonings.  I did not measure here, just make sure everything is evenly coated.

It is not too pretty, but it is my wonderful meat prep!  I set the steak aside and stared peeling shrimp.  I peeled and removed the tail from mine, but if you don’t like the people you are cooking for you can just say, “screw it, they can do it themselves.” This will save you quite a bit of trouble.  I then dusted the shrimp with the spices and started the grill before building my skewers.  Full chimney of hardwood, dual zone fire, ect.  Skewering is pretty much a no brainer but there is one little trick…

Not everything cook to perfection at the same time or temp, so to avoid having raw meat, rubbery shrimp and burnt veggies you should keep your skewers all OCD and separate everything mono-food-matically.  Ok, I made that word up, however this is the way to get perfectly done everything.  You can keep the veggies on the cooler side of the grill shrimp on the middle and steak on hot.  I put my steak on the grill first and let that sear on the hot side for a couple of minutes each side.  Once you get really nice grill marks you are done, these wont take long to cook.  I brought them inside and let the meat rest while I added the veggies and shrimp.  Shrimp are done when they are pink and opaque, they can turn black pretty quick so watch them.  Veggies are done well…when they look like it.  Use your best judgement (not the same judgement that got you on that spring break video you know the one I am talking about).

I served mine up “family style” with a bunch of lettuce for fajita-making and some avocado to add in healthy fats.  Like with all things BBQ, it is a great way to serve a lot of people without slaving away over a hot stove all day (or microwave for your special “home-made” appetizers).

 
2 Comments

Posted by on September 18, 2012 in Beef, Seafood, Uncategorized

 

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Simple Squashies and Screw-Up Proof Salmon

07 Sep
Simple Squashies and Screw-Up Proof Salmon

After a couple of days bouncing back and forth between a grill and a computer, I decided to do a very simple dinner.  This blogging sh*t is exhausting! Anyone who knows me can tell you I do not measure my food, I just go with whatever looks and smells right.  I have to stop and measure everything for you people and take pictures…jeez.  I guess I just do it because I wasn’t hugged enough as a child and now I need the attention of millions of people…like a stripper or Snookie.

Ok, so here is the deal with salmon…it sticks on the iron grates like really strong adhesive stuff.  I suck at similes, whatever.  Anyway, a simple weeknight salmon should be cooked in tin foil to keep it from sticking to the grill and to keep it moist.

Salmon is already delicious, so the only thing you need to make it great is a teaspoon of coconut oil, salt and pepper, dill, and garlic.  Bam, you’re done, stick it in the fridge until you are ready to cook it.

Kirk likes salmon too, so make extra!

Isn’t he effing adorable? Ok…focus Michelle.  Next you want to slice your butternut squash, but you want to cut it into round slices instead of slicing it lengthwise like you normally would.  When you get down to the end with the seeds just scoop them out with a spoon.

Anyone who has ever carved a pumpkin knows how to do this

Then cut into slices…duh.  Here is where I screwed up, I cut those pieces in into little half moons…don’t do this, they will fall through your grill grates.  Ready for your marinade?

  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 1/2 cup vinegar
  • 2 cloves minced garlic, I did mine in a Garlic Zoom
  • 1t paprika
  • 1t cumin
  • salt and pepper

Mix all that together and let it marinate for a few hours, or overnight.

Once you get a dual zone fire going in your grill you can throw everything on for about 5 minutes per side.  I hope I don’t have to explain common sense here…but I suppose I should so no one gives me grief about how they burnt theirs.  If it is cooking too fast move it off to the side of the heat, that is the purpose of a dual zone fire, to have two different temperatures. Hot side for grill marks, low side for cooking.

I pulled the fish off first after about 8-10 minutes and moved the squash around until I got the right amount of grill marks + tenderness, which was about an extra 5 minutes.

I also had two tomatoes, an onion, and two peppers lying around so I decided to make a fire roasted salsa.  I dunked them in the squash marinade, put them on the grill until they had a slight char, then pulsed them in my Ninja. This is not imperative to the result of the salmon, I just had the time and ingredients…so why the hell not.

The finished product was simple, yet full of flavor

And for dessert?


Brownies of course!!!

 
2 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Barbeque, Seafood, Uncategorized

 

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