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Chipotle-Cajun Jambalaya

How is everyone doing on their New Year Resolutions so far? I honestly can’t wait until the flood of people give up on their “work out every day” resolution and I have some space at the gym again, jeesh.  I wanted to give up coconut butter for new years, but I knew that would last about an hour so I made a few more reasonable goals.

  • Deadlift double bodyweight
  • Squat 200lbs
  • give up coffee
  • do a whole30/sugar detox hybrid
  • read more books

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I know what you are thinking, I must be f*cking insane giving up coffee,convenience foods, and all fruit and sweet potatoes at the same time, but I don’t like to do anything half-assed.  I am already into my 2nd book this month, real ones too, not the kind with lots of pretty pictures, and I obviously have to slowly work up to my strength based goals, although I am getting really close.  Working out in January sucks though, I wish all these people decided to buy a treadmill instead of a gym membership…at least then they could use it as a coat rack when they quit.

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Ingredients:

  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • 1(or 2…I will explain later) cans of tomatoes
  • 12oz of bone broth, or whatever broth or stock you have on hand
  • 2 bell peppers
  • 1 onion
  • 3 dried chipotles
  • A package of chicken breast tenders, or two chicken breasts sliced up
  • 2 cups of shrimp
  • Pork sausage
  • I also snuck in a handful of kale or two

Ok, so the cajun mirepoix(base veggies for soups) is always bell peppers, celery, and onion; however it was like the apocalypse or something when I went to get celery from Trader Joes because the produce section was bare.  An employee informed me that they did not get a produce truck that day so I was sh*t out of luck.  There goes my cauliflower rice and celery….if you have these things, then by all means please add them to the recipe, but I was not hauling my ass all over Virginia looking for organic celery.

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Lightly grill your chicken tenders, they cook fast so someone should be baby sitting them, that is actually why I used them, because they don’t require a lot of cooking.  They don’t need to be perfectly done, they will finish up in your stew so just a few minutes on each side.  Set aside the shrimp and sausage, then chop everything else up and throw it in your dutch oven, I cut up my chipotles with kitchen shears because it will save you a sh*t ton of time.  D insisted that there was not enough liquid in the pan and that it would not cook right, not wanting to argue about the veggies releasing liquid as they cook I let him throw a second can in, this just made it more like a stew…if you like things on the soupier side add two cans…or don’t…I don’t really care.

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We used hickory wood in the 22.5 inch Webbie and cooked this for about 30 minutes uncovered while the sausage got nice and smokey off to the side.  We then added in about 4TB of cajun-style seasoning:

  • 2 1/2 tablespoons paprika
  • 2 tablespoons Dizzy Pig Swamp Venom (or for Whole30/Sugar Detox sub with salt and add cayenne pepper to taste)
  • 2 tablespoons garlic powder
  • 1 tablespoon black  pepper
  • 1 tablespoon onion powder
  • 1 tablespoon dried oregano
  • 1 tablespoon dried thyme

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Your sausage will be done when the internal temp reaches about 160, slice it up and try not to eat it all while the rest of your food finishes cooking.  After 30 minutes on a grill toss your shrimp into the jambalaya and put the cover on the dutch oven.  Let everything cook for another 20-30 minutes or until everything looks cooked through.  Adjust the seasoning to your taste, we added in a couple extra tablespoons, and serve.

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The hubbs informed me that avocado is not very cajun…you should eat it anyways though because it is delicious.

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3 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Chicken, Pork, Seafood, Soups

 

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Myron Mixon’s Cupcake Chicken

Now, we love the show BBQ pitmasters, but you cannot watch this show without being subjected to the loud mouthed jackass pitmaster known as Myron Mixon.  I personally find him a bit too abrasive, but the hubbs loves him.  Anyway, the show got me thinking, all the people on there have really badass BBQ names, and Derek and Michelle just doesn’t sound quite as cool as Hickory Rick and Shotgun Chelle.  Ok, that was the best I could come up with…maybe they’re not the best pitmaster names, but maybe theyre at least as cool as Paul Diablo, Johnny Trigger, and Tuffy Stone.  I am still working on the names…I need some help.  What do you think?

I know its gross that they cat is on the table, you try telling a cat what to do.

I know its gross that the cat is on the table, you try telling a cat what to do.

So, Myron Mixon does this competition chicken in a cupcake pan, so that the end result is perfectly round and uniform, making for a nice presentation.  So, we got Myron’s top-secret method…which you cannot get from watching the show, you have to shell out 30 bucks for his book of course.  Anyway, we adapted it for Primal Smoke, since we are not too keen on following any recipes that call for 5lbs of sugar and 1 cup of MSG “flavor enhancer.” Seriously, you cannot help but laugh when you read that!

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You will need:

  • A cupcake pan with holes drilled in the bottom, as a bonus, now you cant scarf paleo cupcakes because you don’t have a pan to cook them in.
  • a cookie sheet (we used disposable)
  • enough chicken thighs to put one in each hole…in this case 12
  • bbq rub
  • bbq sauce
  • chicken stock

Ok, so the holes help the meat drain, so that it does not get “water-logged,” A collection of liquids in the muffin pan will ruin your perfect, slightly crisp skin that is so sought after when cooking BBQ chicken.  You can start prepping your meat by cutting the knuckle end off of the bone and trimming the bone down until it fits in your pan.  Trim all the big chunks fat off the edges of the chicken, and especially off the edges of the skin.  I know fat is good for us, but too much fat =soggy, rubbery skin.  Sprinkle a little BBQ rub, or just some salt and pepper on both sides of the chicken thigh and place it skin side down in the pan.

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Be sure to trim off any excessively large chunks of meat that stick out of each little nest and then throw those babies on your smoker.  We used our stick-burner for this one, which is a large offset box that we burn whole logs of wood in, instead of the usual charcoal-wood chips combo that I use for the bullet.  Put the cupcake pan onto a cookie sheet and pour a layer of chicken stock into the cookie sheet, being very careful not to get it on the meat.

Don't use your good bone-broth for this, as you are just going to discard it later

Don’t use your good bone-broth for this, as you are just going to discard it later

Smoke the meat at 275 using a strong wood, we used mesquite which is traditionally not for chicken, but the meat is only in the smoker about as long as the media cared about John Travolta flashing his junk to a hotel masseuse…not very long, so it makes a stronger wood acceptable.  Smoke the chicken for about an hour, or until the internal temp gets to about 140-145, then pull it off, flip the chicken and put it back in the pan skin side up.  Before returning it to the smoker sprinkle the skin with more rub, or salt and pepper, then put it back on the cookie sheet and let it cook for another 30 minutes or so.  Once the internal temp hits 155-160, brush some sauce on top of the chicken and close the lid for another 20-30 minutes.

When they come off the smoker, cover them with some foil and let them rest for about 3 minutes, then glaze again with sauce one more time before serving. Here is a perfect recipe for BBQ sauce, this stuff with make your meat sweet and juicy, like JLo’s backside.

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That’s it for this week, we have been Qing up a storm of Whole30/Sugar Detox compatible foods, so check back next week for more smokey goodness.  Shotgun Chelle signing out!

 
7 Comments

Posted by on January 4, 2013 in Barbeque, Chicken

 

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2012 up in smoke….

I am totally on the New Years bandwagon here, just giving you lots of old posts because I am too lazy to write out a new one.  I am going to share the best of the best of 2012 just in case you missed it…I have only been up and running since September so you havent missed much though.

oh yeah baby!

oh yeah baby!

The greatest thing I did this year was BBQ brownies.  It is still my number one day of traffic ever….which proves to me that you people suck, seriously, pureeing some sweet potatoes and cooking them in chocolate is not anywhere near as impressive as the perfect brisket.  Still, they rock…we will definitely make them again once all the january sugar detoxing/whole30 hybrid is over. Anyway, there will be a few recipes that overlap here, because I know that nobody is going to sit here and read every link I posted…if you want to, by all means go ahead, and please leave your full name in the comments section so I can spell it properly on the restraining order.

Important lessons:
Planking (and bacon)
Using Skewers
Tempering and Resting your meat
Starting a good fire
Choosing your charcoal
Getting the right big-boy-toys
Basics on using a smoker, and the perfect hunk of meat for a newbie

There is more to be learned about smoking, in 2013 there will be a series called “Better know a smoker” and important information on rubs, BBQ competitions, and other random rants and tirades about why I am right and you are wrong. Now on to the meat…

Juciest pork on the planet

juiciest pork on the planet

In the pork category we have:

Pork Butt
Rib Basics
Bacon…thats right we make our own bacon!
Spare Ribs
Ham
Korean Style Ribs
Pork Stuffed Peppers
BLT Salad made with our own bacon of course
Pork Tenderloin

Smoke rings make me happy

Smoke rings make me happy

The nom-nom-nominees in the beef category are:

Sausagey Beef Burger
Braised Beef Chili
Flank Steak Skewers
Grilled Meatloaf
Ungrilled Meatloaf with bacon
Brisket though the title lies, we did make a better brisket last night burning straight hardwood with no coals.

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Chicken:

Basic BBQ Chicken
Chicken Caesar Salad
Recipe I stole from Michael Symon

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Seafood:

Haddock
Basic Grilled Salmon and grilled squash goodness
Oh look, this recipe again because there is shrimp on it
Dirty South Clam Chowder
Smoked Mackerel Salad

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Breakfast:
I grilled eggs in bell peppers then again in pork

I know that is a big plate, but I don't like my food touching

Game Meat:
Deer Jerky
Bison Burger with smoked applesauce…seriously go make that applesauce, it will change your life.

Liquid gold baby!

Sauces:
Basic Red Sauce aka Liquid Orgasm
Carolina Style Pork Sauce

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Chili and Clam Chowder are obviously also in the new soups category, while Jerky, Smoked Sausage, and Hickory Smoked Mixed Nuts are all under snacks

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Lastly there was a grilled watermelon salad that was amazing, but didn’t really fit in anywhere else

I already have dozens of ideas for 2013, so keep coming back for more smoked meat sexiness and white trash shenanagains

This was a redneck theme birthday party, he doesnt actually wear overalls or beat me.

This was D’s redneck theme birthday party, he doesn’t actually wear overalls or beat me.

 

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Random, Uncategorized

 

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Oh Jeez, She is Angry Again…

Definition of barbeque
abbr. BBQ
NOUN
1.outdoor party with food cooked outdoors: an outdoor party where people eat food cooked on a grill
2.food cooked on grill: food, especially meat, poultry, and fish, cooked on a grill
3.equipment for cooking outdoors: an apparatus, including a grill and fuel, used for cooking food outdoors
[ Mid-17th century. < American Spanish barbacoa, probably < Arawak barbakoa “frame of sticks” ]
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Guess what the definition of BBQ does not include:
1. Meat covered in a sugary-red sauce that you cooked in your crock pot
2. Pulled meat products of any kind that were cooked indoors
3.  Anything that requires electricity to cook.
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I really tried not to start this post with another pissed off rant, but it did not happen once I started looking at recipe blogs this morning.  I do not care what you call it, but if you are cooking indoors you are not making bbq.  You can make pulled pork inside, but you cannot make BBQ pulled pork.  Do you understand?  Real barbecue is a friggin art and takes time and dedication to master.  It makes me angry when you people throw that term around just because there is some sugary red crap on your meat.   I want to beat them with a slab of baby backs until they change the name of their recipe to not include the word barbecue!
Now, while we are on the subject of BBQ, do you want to learn how to do a St. Louis style cut on spare ribs?  Of course you do! Now that we are nice and pissed off let’s go grab a knife!
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This, ladies and gentlemen, is a slab of the finest spare ribs.  Wrapping around one half of the slab is an extra hunk of meat that is not actually part of the ribs themselves, and for aesthetic purposes it is often trimmed off.
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With your fingers you will be able to feel where the excess meat is that is not directly attached to the bones.
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Trim the excess off in an L shape and throw that sh*t in your crock pot for some BBQ pulled pork! Haha.
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Now, we cooked these exactly the same as we always cook spare ribs, because there is no sense in messing with perfection.  So you can follow these instructions.  What you end up with is a nice rectangular slab or ribs that you can use to impress your neighbors, or to stick it to that b*tch at a potluck who brought a tofu salad.
 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 27, 2012 in Barbeque, Pork, Technique

 

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I Love The Fishes Cuz They’re So Delicious…

Ok, holidays are over finally, I went to town on some paleo desserts.  I feel like I should share what I made for those people who pressured me to “indulge a little” in some straight up garbage food that wasnt worth the tummy ache.  My December of sin included:

Ok, so maybe I did not eat all of that by myself, since a very large portion of my paleoish goodies were given away as gifts, but they really helped me make it through the holidays without snapping when subjected to the dumbest comments on the planet.  Are you ready for another list? Here is some of the stupid sh*t I get to listen to at parties:

  • I don’t eat red meat because it is harder to digest than poultry
  • I burned off 750 calories on the elliptical today so I can eat what I want
  • Here is some cookies/cake/bread/whatever….I know you are paleo but it is the holidays so you should have some

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I actually was able to keep my mouth shut in light of all these comments, I did not start berating a single person for their stupidity, it is a freaking Christmas miracle!  Anyway, I figured it would be a good day for a nice light recipe for a change of pace.

Ingredients:

  • 2 filets of mackerel with the skin on
  • an orange
  • salad stuff: I used lettuce, onion, hungarian pepper, and a hard-boiled egg

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Soak your wood chips before you start, as always, I used alder wood this time. Then, salt and pepper your fish and set aside while you fire up the grill.  We used out 22.5 inch Webbie here, since there is no need to fire up the smoker for something this small.

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Bust out one of your finest disposable foil pans and use it to create a water pan on the opposite side of the grill from your coals.  I only used about 1/2-2/3 of a chimney of coals here, because when you are smoking fish you want to keep the temperature extremely low under the cooking surface so you are actually smoking and not just grilling.  Got it?  Ok, throw the fish on and let it smoke for approximately an hour while you go inside and prep the rest of your food.

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Cut your orange in half and slice off the peel all the way around, then slice into segments.  The fruit in this recipe really helps to cut through the intense fishy-ness of the mackerel.  Prep the rest of your salad to your liking and set aside while the fish finishes up.

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With a little experience you can tell when your fish is done by just eyeballing it.  If it looks like this then you are doing pretty well.  It will be easy to flake apart with a fork and turn golden brown.  If you are seeing lots of little white fat droplets on the top of your fish the heat is way too high and you are cooking not smoking….cooking bad smoking good.

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Break apart your fish, pile it on top of the salad, and serve with a drizzle with olive oil (I used lemon infused).  This recipe is big enough for two but I tend to always eat the whole thing myself because I need a big hit of omega 3s to combat the stress-related effects of a life spent silently suffering through stupid conversations.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on December 26, 2012 in Salad, Seafood, Uncategorized

 

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Smoked Sausage

I guess everyone knows what tomorrow is…if today was your last BBQ what would you make? Fear not though, with the help of this wonderful little chart you can still have all of your favorite barbeque cuts in a postapocalyptic world with no agriculture system.

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I know there will be no more internet so you cannot thank me for this valuable information, but I trust that all of you will print out several copies and thank me in your prayers as you cling to your automatic rifles and await the coming apocalypse.

Just in case we do make it through tomorrow, I figured I would show you how we smoked sausage.

Ingredients:

  • sausage
  • smoke

Sounds complicated huh?

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While we were smoking a pork butt, I figured we might as well make some smoked sausage since we have an abundance of the stuff right now.  We already had the smoker going as about 250 degrees and full of hickory wood.  We threw the sausage on there and let it smoke for one hour, and BAM you’re done.  Easiest recipe ever posted on a food blog.

If you want bonus pork points, you can throw it back on the smoker after you wrap it in bacon

If you want bonus pork points, you can throw it back on the smoker after you wrap it in bacon

Lastly, I would like to apologize to my family and friends if December 22nd rolls around, as you will not be receiving any holiday gifts from me this year because I spent all of the money on ammunition and canned bacon in preparation for doomsday.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 20, 2012 in Pork, Snacks

 

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Spicy Pork Stuffed Peppers

I am quitting coffee right now, so I have been an absolute mess.

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Ok, maybe it’s not that bad, but I just don’t feel like doing much of anything, which is bad because we are having a dinner party on Friday(I’m making pork tenderloins) and I need to clean up the tribbles of pet fur on the floor and nose art on the windows.  Did I just make a Star Trek joke? Sh*t yeah I did!

You.....are.....not very....funny

You…..are…..not very….funny

Are we ready for a pork recipe?  Ok, then you better beam me up some:

  • Delicious ground pork- 2lbs
  • 1TB Liquid smoke
  • 3TB Fennel
  • 5 cloves of garlic- finely chopped
  • one small onion- also chopped
  • 1TB ground sage
  • 1TB crushed red pepper.
  • 4 large bell peppers.
  • Hickory wood

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Soak your wood chunks in water for at least an hour before you start cooking.  Prep your pork by mixing in all of the spices and give it a generous amount of salt and pepper.  The spice mixture is kind of sausagey because of the fennel, so it has some heat but it is not too aggressive.  Go start-up your coals so they have time to heat up while you finish your food prep.  Make an even med-high heat fire with lots of wood for smoke.

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Now, cut the tops off your peppers and scoop the guts out.  If the little f*ckers don’t want to standup straight like mine then cut a very small amount off the bottom to create a flat surface, be careful not to cut too deep though, or else all that yummy pork fat will not stay in the pepper.

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Cook these in your dutch oven with the lid off for about 45 minutes, so they get a nice hickory smoke, then put the lid on and cook for another 35-45 minutes or until the pork reaches about 150-160.  I like to pull mine off at 150, because they continue to cook as they rest a bit.  I always think that the lid to my dutch oven is cool enough to pick up with my bare hands, as I instinctively pick up all other pot lids in my house without worrying, so I keep burning my fingers.  I will be able to pursue a career as a bank robber now, as I am sure I will soon have no fingerprints.

True love, thy name is Kabocha!

True love, thy name is Kabocha!

I did not feel that BBQ sauce was appropriate here, since they taste a bit like hot Italian sausage (insert inappropriate joke here), I drizzled with a bit of aged smoked balsamic from our local oil/vinegar store and served next to mashed kabocha squash, which is, in fact, the best squash on the planet.

Also for those of you who don’t know, Primal Smoke made it to the final round of a “best paleo blogger contest.”  I will give you more details once I start working on my recipes!

paleocontest_-sousvide_txbarorgnaics1

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 19, 2012 in Pork

 

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